July 28th - Part 2

Dear Friends – It’s Monday morning, 4:45AM.  I woke up about 30 minutes ago and I’m wide-awake.  I decided I might as well get up, do some writing and then go back to sleep.  I don’t have to get up until after 6AM.  A few nights ago at a team meeting, I shared that we should be courteous and polite with one another to avoid friction within the group, and to maintain harmony among us.  Of course I was addressing this to other people, and not myself.  So I’m sure you know who the first person was to behave in an un-Christian manner.  I got upset at another person’s behavior and spoke harshly to them.  It was very embarrassing and humiliating for me.  I thought I would be the one who was perfect in behavior and speech.  I would be perfect because I am such a good person.  I would be perfect because I am Don Hori.  Ten quick seconds of losing my temper and speaking without thinking showed all the team members and me that I am not perfect.  I knew that I had to offer an apology – it’s the Christian thing to do.  But as I had more time to think about it, I knew I needed to apologize because that is what God would want me to do.  As I sat thinking about what words to say, I knew it had to be sincere and without an explanation or defending my actions.  Saying “I’m sorry” is one of the hardest things for me to do.  Saying “I’m sorry” sincerely and in humility is nearly impossible.  I think I came pretty close to giving the proper apology – having the proper attitude and saying the correct things.  At first I continued to feel like a failure in not being the one who was better than all the others.  But as I reflected on what I had done, I began to understand that I will never be perfect – not on my own, not with God’s help.  Because I am human, there will always be times when I fail.  So the question is not, “will I fail”, but rather, “what will I do when I fail.”  It is very liberating in knowing that there is no sense in striving to be perfect in my actions and my words –it just can’t be done.  What I need to focus on is doing the right thing when I am wrong.
When I apologized to this person, they graciously accepted it.  And with that, reconciliation began.  In many instances I would go on without offering an apology and acting as if I had never done anything wrong – and I apologize to all of you that I have done that to.  Even as I write about this, I know it will almost always be a struggle for me to offer the proper apology – but it is something I will strive to do.  It seems as if the bonds between people are actually strengthened when friction occurs and then one person apologizes.  On this mission trip, it seems as if God is teaching this old dog some new tricks.  Thanks be to God.  Love, Don      

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